What is elegant to a technical communicator, would you say? Is that something different than what your current or future profession subscbribes to?

I like Albert Einstein's quote in chapter 10 about keeping things simple. I think clear and concise is "elegant" to a TC, and I appreciate a nice turn of phrase (mostly that I find in novels and not in TC). Sometimes when I read those novels, I write down sentences I especially like. My family thinks I'm a bit odd at times. :)

The idea of "simple" with TC goes against the world of academese in many situations. It also often goes against what many in the business world use, which is where I sit now. I often find myself trying to read through convoluted e-mails where the writer either assumes I already know much of what the message is about and leaves off too much information, or one that gives me puffed up vocabulary that is unnecessary, I think in an attempt to sound "intelligent." I would love to have a day where I red-line e-mails that are convoluted and messy and just send them back to the writer, refusing to answer the questions until I get the text in a more clear and concise way. :) And, I wonder how long I might keep my current job with that approach. I guess I'm not really that brave.

What are the most valuable types or strategies to commenty you've seen? What worked or didn't work on the comments offered by Dr. Rice?

The most valuable strategies I've seen have to do with a more heavy edit where the editor asks questions, for example, "have you thought about this or that." I do like it when comments are posed in a questioning tone. It makes me still feel like I have control of my text rather than just needing to change things because one reader thought something should be changed.

I also find it helpful in a revision process to have my paper read out loud to me. Well... honestly, I hate it when someone reads my work to me, but it seems to expose things that might be out of place and need to be changed.

As far as the comments I received: when I read some of them, I though, "oh, yeah... good point." In one place, I thought, "Hummm... I guess I took a more casual approach to this assignment than what was expected." Maybe I should have been more formal, but I'm in a rebellious phase against "formal" writing I think. Maybe because of a person at work that tries to use "big words," (nominalizations, usage rather than use, etc. I think he is just trying to sound smart.) He sounds like an idiot a lot of the time. This week my quote is from the front page of the Ethics chapter in Williams by Albert Einstein. "Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler."

When I read another comment, I thought, "Gosh I wish I had read that (my text) more carefully. That's just bad." About another comment I thought, "No, that's really what I meant. I want to keep that sentence that way."

I am interested in looking at the regular person as a "writer," and not necessarily the student who is studying writing as the "writer."

I like where this paper is going, and I will work on it some more.

Later --

Provide an example of action or character in something you've read or something you've written recently, and how that might improve according to Williams.



Because of my background, I am asked often to edit things for people. This week, I was the lucky recipient of a newspaper article and an essay that will accompany a scholarship application.



The newspaper article was written by my mother and was about programs the special education department had implemented this year or were planning to implement next year. While I work to be clear yet gentle with my comments, I had little time and was hurried. I turned on the tracking feature in Word and dashed through it. I made changes without all of the explanations why. My style in my editing comments for Mother is less explanatory than the ones I will write for the scholarship applicant. I remember one comment had to do with who was implementing what and when. The characters weren't clear.



The scholarship applicant is a senior in high school. His first paragraph:



Believing that the discipline shown by my exemplary attendance, strong GPA, the leadership skills achieved through FFA, and my self-confidence, represent the qualities you desire in a scholarship recipient is fundamental. I am the best candidate because I will be a good ambassador of this scholarship, both on and off campus, having a positive and enthusiastic attitude, and will truly be grateful for the financial assistance. Receiving this scholarship would greatly assist my financial standing in preparing for numerous college expenses.



He's close, and even though his first sentence isn't complete, this is far better than the first draft I looked at last week. In his first draft, every sentence began with the pronoun "I," and I encouraged him to give specific examples of his claims and to try to begin sentences with something other than "I." The only character in his essay is himself, and while that's appropriate for his task, he needs to tone down the pronoun use. He also needs some action verbs that will help with his explanation of the "why."

He may be a little over-the-top with his words "examplary," "truly," and "greatly," but this is the style of a high-school boy who wants (and needs) the scholarship, and who would prefer he not have to write anything to get it. As I edit this piece, I will have to be careful that his voice and style remains visible, for I think he'll have a better chance of receiving the scholarship if the readers in the committee know the work is really his.